it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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