she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
