sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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