I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
