Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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