sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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