He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
