the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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