why didn't you poke me back
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
