so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
