Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
