Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
