drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
