Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
