no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
