I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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