Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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