so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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