I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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