There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
