I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize