She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
