She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
