nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
