I will die if light touches me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
