put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
