There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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