The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
