The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
