it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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