I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
