At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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