You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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