you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
