You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
