Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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