they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I just put wine in my tea
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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