Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
