You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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