shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she smelled like a LAN party
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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