I think i peed on brittanys purse
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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