come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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