dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
