that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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