Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
