i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
