It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
