I think my fart just growled at me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
