Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
