ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
