One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so explain again why im purple
no
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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