I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
