Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
