I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
