um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
