as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
