Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
