Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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