Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My life is pants optional.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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