You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize