Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you will always have a special place in my vag
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
