Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
