I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
