I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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