just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
