I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
