wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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