sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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