Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
