Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
