there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
