i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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