Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
