so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
