Cold hands, warm shart.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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