So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
