i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
