his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize