i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We left the knife in your bed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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